Every single thing happening on the server, drawn as it happens: where everyone is standing and which way they are looking, every bullet, every bit of damage, grenades going off, who killed who and with what, and the score moving. It runs about a round behind on purpose - we would rather not hand free wallhacks to anyone with a second monitor. Real-time viewing for signed-in spectators who are not currently playing is on the list.

This one is the heart of the place. Type "haha" and the server laughs with you. Type "lol". Type "idiot" - go on. A lot of them are film quotes or bits of songs you will recognise instantly, and two people insulting each other purely through sound effects is genuinely one of the funniest things on here. Four sets: general, English, German and Czech. Not fluent in German? Switch it off, keep English, drop it to 50% and enjoy in relative peace.

A track at the end of each round, like an MVP theme with better taste. It also plays through warm-up, where it deliberately reaches for the hype stuff so everyone is properly wound up before the first real round.

Three times a round, you are permitted to poop on the corpse of a fallen opponent. Yes, really. It comes with a sound and an actual 3D dookie that everybody can see. Three per round, so choose your victims with care - and try not to die yourself, because turnabout is very much fair play. 😁

At the end of every round we score how everyone actually played and add it up per side. If one team is on a roll and clearly steamrolling, an algorithm finds the single player whose move makes the teams as even as possible - and moves them. Nobody gets to sit in a losing streak forever. Play badly enough and you will be handed someone who can drag you to a win. Be genuinely godlike and you may find yourself in a 2v5, because that was the fairest maths available. Sorry. This place is about having a laugh and playing your own game, not five regulars farming beginners 10:0.

We know where you are. More to the point, so does everyone else. Stand still too long and your camp meter climbs. At 80% you start to snore - quietly at first, then less quietly, until at a full meter you can be heard from more or less anywhere on the map. All that unhealthy napping also starts eating your health. It will never actually kill you. It will just leave you on 1 HP, snoring like a chainsaw, with your position broadcast to everyone holding a gun. So move. No more toilet breaks in the corner of fy_pool_day.

Last two alive? Slash three times at thin air and the gauntlet is thrown. The other player gets 12 seconds to accept - !yes, or three slashes straight back. And once it is on, nobody gets to be clever: the server physically refuses to let either of you switch weapons, so the time-honoured "sure mate, knife duel" followed immediately by a faceful of AK simply cannot happen here. Knives. That is the entire menu. Bots make their own minds up, and yes, they do sometimes turn you down.

Don't move, get a warning. Don't move for three rounds, get moved to spectators. Standing on spawn admiring the skybox is a perfectly fine hobby, it just should not cost four other people the round.

Kills, assists, deaths, wins - and then the interesting part: who you have killed most, which maps you actually play, which guns you actually use. Every weapon and every map gets its own page too, so the "is the AK really better" argument can finally be settled with numbers instead of volume. Skill is the number people compare, and it is the one beside your name in the scoreboard with the little lightning bolt. It only cares about you: kills and deaths, accuracy, how you do against actual humans, rounds won against rounds lost. Winning games deliberately does not count - otherwise the team balancer would quietly be deciding your rank. Play well and you climb.

Kill someone? XP. Assist? XP. Win a round? XP. Die in an embarrassing way? Rather less XP. Here is the good bit: everything negative is wiped at the end of each round, so a terrible round is worth zero and never less. Lose 10, claw 10 back, and you keep whatever sits above zero. Whatever you finish a round with is yours permanently - XP only ever goes up. Where skill says how good you are right now, XP is the long game. In-game and website XP go into the same pot. Levels and rewards are coming.

They pop up on your screen and land in chat the second you earn one, so everybody knows exactly what you just did. They are all kept on your Mad Stats profile here as well. We add new ones regularly, and most of the kill-related ones come in both player and bot flavours - so you can earn them honourably, or farm them off bots at three in the morning. No judgement either way.

Headshot. Killing spree. Godlike. The Doom, CS 1.6 and Dota announcer your muscle memory already knows. Too loud? Turn it down. Had enough? Mute it - everyone else carries on hearing it, which is arguably worse for you.

Not the stock CS2 punching bags. Ours watch how the humans around them are playing and quietly move their own skill to match, so the server works whether it is your first ever round or you are warming up before FACEIT. They also have considerably better taste in weapons than the defaults, and they will happily accept or refuse a knife duel.

Nominate with !nom and a map name, or just !nominate for a menu. When the vote opens you get four maps plus the option to extend the current one, and you vote by typing !1 to !5 - with everyone able to see who voted for what while it runs. Hate the map you are on? !rtv. Once more than half of you agree, the vote fires at the end of the round. It all happens during freeze time, which we extend until you have made your minds up, and the map only switches a round or two later so nobody loses a game they were winning.

A fight yard map is supposed to have guns lying on the floor. Some fy_ maps never got that memo and expect a buy zone or a game mode to arm you instead. On those, the server simply hands you a random weapon when you spawn - no shopping, no standing about, same feel everywhere.